In the first 10 years of our relationship, I thought I knew everything there was to know about my partner. He was caring, shy, helpful, practical, nerdy, weak and pathetic.
As all the resentment built up in our relationship, I made beliefs about who he was based on how his behaviour felt to me. And, as we automatically do, I subconsciously looked for evidence to reinforce these beliefs over and over to myself until I had completely boxed him in. He irritated me and bored me because I could predict all his behaviors and responses. (Of course, I only took notice of the ones where I was “right”).
I always rescued him in social situations, I discouraged him from taking risks, I told people he couldn’t do certain things, I worked more so he could work less. I was frustrated that he wouldn’t be the strong, decisive, go-getting man that I’d wanted him to be!
Since I’ve let go of thinking I “know” everything about him, it’s amazing how he has shown up differently for me. I stopped trying to make decisions for him, to hold him back and protect him from awkwardness and “failure”. I allow myself to learn things about him, to be surprised by him.
He now fully provides for our family financially, has taken on an apprentice, he leads out confidently in The Relationship Workshop, sharing openly about his greatest fears and weaknesses, he makes decisions for us and takes action in our family and above all, he is there for me in a way that makes me fall wildly in love with who he is.
If you’re in a masculine/feminine relationship, you do not need to try to make sense of your partner, you just need to accept them, be curious about them. Love is not safe, it cannot be boxed in. God created a world with infinite possibility. He gave us the freedom to choose, to change, to surprise him, because all of these are necessary ingredients for true love.
Being open to be surprised by your partner – that helps to grow a wild love!
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