I’ve recently started working again after having kids and I do struggle with stress. As an Enneagram Type 3, I struggle with not feeling like I’m amazing at my job. What I want to do is work harder and longer so that I feel more competent and more significant at work.
I want to meet my needs in the workplace.
We all have emotional needs that must be met: significance, variety, control and connection. Everything we do meets these needs in some way.
But I know that what makes me feel relaxed, calm and at my best in life, is when I feel in love. And to feel in love, I need to meet my needs inside of the relationship first.
So, when I was feeling stressed the other day, I knew what I needed was to make love. Making love meets all my needs – connection, variety, significance and control. And when I do that with Tim, it makes me feel like I’ve got everything I need, right here with one person.
I actually didn’t feel like it, but I knew the longer I put it off, the more stressed I would get. (Romantic, right?) Making love also brings my overactive brain down a notch. It releases stress, allows me, a female with a vastly connected and active brain, the gift of silence.
Brain science tells us that orgasm reduces stress and increases creativity in the female brain. (That’s right, they’ve actually done studies on this. And you thought my love-making motives were unromantic!)
One thing that is so great in our relationship now, is that I don’t need for the “mood” to be right anymore. I don’t need things to be perfect to feel in love. I just need him. I was there and he was there, and we may not have felt really connected and “in love” at the start, but we sure did by the end!
I went to work the next day and because I didn’t need the significance from there anymore, instead of trying to “be amazing”, I was able to just be myself, which was what everyone needed me to be.
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