Do you ever fake it, honey?

We had just finished making love the other night. Tim turns to me and asks, “Do you ever fake it, honey?”

What do you do when your partner asks you a heart-freezing question like that? Have you ever asked one of these yourself?

Asking questions like this can often lead to a long argument, or worse still, nothing at all.

I remember when earlier on in our marriage, I asked Tim did he ever masturbate or look at pornography. He said something suggesting he had masturbated occasionally when he was single, but not anymore, and assured me he had never used pornography.

What a good guy, right?!

Little did I realise how difficult that question was for him.

What seemed like a nonchalant answer added to a foundation of lies and miscommunication that kept us in what most would consider a “good” relationship.

“Good” relationships are generally covering up some pretty nasty things. The problem with “good” is, it’s the enemy of great.

When we were finally able to let go of our need to appear to ourselves and others as having a “good” relationship, that’s when things started to get real.

Before then, I was legitimately proud of the fact that I’d found the one guy in the universe who wasn’t a sucker for porn. Surprise, surprise, turns out, he lied! THAT was a tough conversation.

But you know, I’d never go back to believing what I did before. Having an imaginary “good” guy who does everything right is nothing compared to having a real one who I know without a doubt would give up anything for me, including his pride. And let me assure you, that thing was broken by the admission.

So what do you say when your partner asks you something that, if answered honestly, might break the relationship?

If Tim had answered honestly that day, years ago, I don’t know what would have happened.

I’m immensely grateful that when he did tell me, we had a support team to guide us through how to clear the resentment that had built up on both sides throughout the years. How to assess the situation honestly, and how to turn this hurt into a force of love that fused our hearts to become wildly in love in a way we never had been before. Because this time, it was REAL.

So when Tim asked me the other night, “Do you ever fake it, honey?” My heart didn’t even skip a beat. I said “Sometimes, when I’m having trouble getting there and I know you won’t give up easily. But not very often, coz i’m definitely not just going to let you have all the fun!”

And then we talked about my old masturbation habits and whether he could tell when I was faking it and what makes an orgasm un-fake-able.

You know, real stuff.

Do you have some real conversations that need to happen in your relationship?

Are you tired of settling for a “good” relationship when you’re dying for a great one? Register for the The Relationship Workshop and we’ll guide you through the process of discovering what’s real, what’s fake and what’s in the way of your relationship moving to next-level intimacy.

We understand what it’s like to live in fear of exposure. We know how it feels to be betrayed by your partner. We love sharing the process of healing from the pain.

It’s not for the faint-hearted. This is where it gets real.

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