It takes two, baby?

How many people does it take to save a relationship?

Last night I thought I’d try something different, just for a change. I thought to my enlightened self, “Let’s try belittling Tim and making him feel like an idiot for not picking up on my hints!”. Coz that’s always worked so well for me in the past. (Sarcasm is one of the many gifts I bring to the relationship ;).

Well, I found out, it definitely takes two.

It takes two people to keep a negative pattern running in a relationship.

Because he decided to do something different (no sarcasm this time, lucky for me, it’s not one of Tim’s gifts!). Instead of being offended, fighting back, withdrawing or sulking, he chose to see through my sarcasm to my wounded heart underneath and have compassion for it. He saw what I was really asking, and he came to get me.

The instant he did that, all the walls and the sarcasm melted away, and we connected.

To keep running the negative patterns you always have in your relationship, it takes the two of you. To save the relationship? It only takes one.

For as long as we insist on waiting for the other person to meet us halfway, we will never bridge the gap between. It takes one person to save the relationship. That one person is you.

Whenever you choose to break the negative pattern and choose something different, when you look beyond your partner’s defence and see their wounded heart underneath, and respond to it, that is when we bridge the gap.

It takes one person to take the full step to meet the other, the whole way. For the relationship to work, you must be all in. Just you.

Being “all in” looks different for each gender.

For females, being “all in” means leaving the sarcasm, put-downs or grudge-holding behind, and truly exposing your heart to ask directly for your partner’s love in the way you need it to be shown in that moment. Then, letting go of the part he did wrong and appreciating whatever tiny step he took in the right direction. Ask again for what you want.

For men, being “all in” means looking past the barbs she throws and taking a step in the dark towards making her happy, letting go of the fear that you’ll get it wrong. Expect to get it wrong, and then choose to take another step.

This is life-and-death for your relationship.

“It doesn’t take two people to end war in a marriage; it takes only one. And if two people have ended it, life can be twice as beautiful.” – Byron Katie

You’ve been wanting to do something to bridge the gap in your relationship for a while now. Be all in. Join us in The Relationship Workshop.

Now, I’m off to read this post when it pops up in my inbox, coz I’m clearly the one who needs it!

Photo by Muaz AJ on Unsplash

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