We were briefly home between church and Adventurers (kids club) stuffing food in before the next round began.
Me to Tim: “We have to make sure we ask the teachers what honours the girls need to catch up on to get invested next month”.
Tim: “Actually, I was thinking I’d stay home.”
Me: (Is visually unimpressed).
Tim: (sensing hostility) “Would you be ok with that?”
Me: “No.”
Tim: “Well do you want to stay home and me go?”
Me: “No. I don’t want to stay home, I just don’t want to go and you stay home”.
Tim – “Well I’ll come then.”
Me: “You don’t have to come, it’s ok.”
Tim: “Well, I’m coming though.”
Me: “Really, stay. You don’t have to come, I just want to complain about it”.
Tim: “Well, how about I come, and you still get to complain about it?”
Me: (grins like the Cheshire Cat for the next week).
Seriously, sometimes I don’t know how he does it. It feels like he knows what I want even better than I know it myself. (Please note: he was not born this way, he’s learned it over 7 years of serious practice).
I never would have been able to articulate that was what I wanted, because sometimes it really is a struggle for me to choose between what I want more: to get what I want (him coming out with us) or to feel hard done by about what I’m not getting.
He absolutely blitzed Masculine state by giving me both – what I wanted, as well as permission to share how I felt about him saying that he wasn’t going to come.
It’s worth noting fellas that with that permission, all need for me to complain melted away, and I saw instead of a wounded sulk on the couch on his phone while I did the hard yards with the kids, a hero in a cape, who sacrificed himself for me.
Granted – Tim missed his couch time. But which do you think he preferred – a nap, or being a genuine hero? (I asked him, he said the hero part).
What men want, most of all, is to make their wife happy. I know you’ve tried so hard mate, and she just doesn’t see or feel it as much as you’d like. It’s not because you haven’t tried, it’s just that your strategy isn’t working for her. She wants something different from the relationship.
So, from one woman who’s been dissatisfied and then totally in love with the same man – here’s how he did it:
(Men, feel free to pilfer and use these anytime).
One that really got me was when I was in the midst of a really hard time at work. Everyday for months I came home crying with the same old sob story. My friends were tired of hearing about it, I was tired of talking about it, but I just couldn’t stop.
On a particular day when he came home and I was crying again, he asked what was wrong. I scoffed and said “just the same old”.
He replied: “Come and sit down and tell me more about that”.
My heart just melted with relief and was overwhelmed with love that he would be willing to listen to it all again.
Another winner was after I had dumped a whole lot of anger and frustration (aimed at him) on him. I was experimenting with saying “thank you” instead of “sorry” after doing this kind of thing. So I said “thank you for letting me say all of that”.
He replied “That’s my pleasure”.
I could have died of happiness, to feel like he actually wanted to listen to and be there for me, no matter what I said, even if it was about him. That it was more important to him than being right. (And if you’ve known Tim at all in the past, being right was an enormous part of his life).
So what do all these have in common?
They’re all giving her an invitation to share her heart.
And that equals love to a woman.

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