Category Archives: #arguments

What to do When He says ‘No’.

“So, honey, how many square metres do you think our block is?” I began. Tim turned around and saw the building contract spread out in front of me. “NO!” he exclaimed emphatically, “I’m not doing that now!” “I’m doing my thing.” The building contract. We’re so close. He knows. He even told me he wasContinue reading “What to do When He says ‘No’.”

You’re not gonna like this…

“You’re not gonna like this…”, Tim began bravely, “but I think it might be a good idea.” We were discussing the likelihood of getting our extension started this side of next year. A touchy topic on its own, and anyone starting out with “You’re not gonna like this” was likely to be shut down, hard.Continue reading “You’re not gonna like this…”

How do you move a tyrant?

How do you move a tyrant? How do you bring a dead man to life? I have asked myself these questions concerning my husband. Some people tell me that they’re too extreme. But as a wife, have you really never felt like it was impossible to influence your husband? That he was so set inContinue reading “How do you move a tyrant?”

Why can’t we take turns listening?

When we work with couples, we encourage the man to listen to his wife pour out her heart as often as she is willing to, without engaging in rebuttal or self-justification when she says things that feel unfair. Instead, we encourage him to validate her feelings. But this process only goes one way, we don’tContinue reading “Why can’t we take turns listening?”

“Shut-up!” And other heart-felt phrases.

I had to get the kids home in time for dinner. Well, in time to make dinner. But they had their music lessons, so I did the shopping for some food we needed while I waited. I arrived about the time they were usually finishing up. One girl was still going. No problem. I satContinue reading ““Shut-up!” And other heart-felt phrases.”

Relationships 101 with Job and his Wife

Ever thought about the book of Job as a relationship guide? The idea of blame runs hot in this book. Whose fault is it that Job and his family have been made to suffer?  That’s a familiar theme in relationships, surely? Tim and I would constantly argue about whose fault it was that things wereContinue reading “Relationships 101 with Job and his Wife”

Overcoming the Two Sources of Conflict in Relationships

This morning I initiated love-making with Tim. It was quick and easy for both of us, which was lovely. He said to me afterwards, as he often does, “I love you”. Sweet, right? Not to me! I reluctantly said “I love you, too”, but in my head I’m like, “Whatever, I know. But HOW WASContinue reading “Overcoming the Two Sources of Conflict in Relationships”

He Did Nothing

We had COVID the last two weeks. So, no sex for two weeks. And plenty of bickering. But, wait a minute, why no sex? Well…maybe because we were sick? Not really very sick. We made love again the other night and I made myself say what was in my heart – how much I’d missedContinue reading “He Did Nothing”

It takes two, baby?

How many people does it take to save a relationship? Last night I thought I’d try something different, just for a change. I thought to my enlightened self, “Let’s try belittling Tim and making him feel like an idiot for not picking up on my hints!”. Coz that’s always worked so well for me inContinue reading “It takes two, baby?”